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Wednesday, 31 August 2011


Mars have done their market research and discovered that almost 100% of people who like Mars Bars ALSO like chocolate. Obviously this means that what people really want is a Mars Bar with chocolate flavour nougat and chocolate flavour caramel - THE TRIPLE CHOC

This pointless remake of the Mars Bar takes the classic bar in two very new and startling directions:

1) It's in a brown wrapper
2) It tastes very similar to a normal Mars but slightly worse.

In fact, as the brown wrapper is chocolate coloured, I reckon you could get away with calling this QUADRUPLE CHOC. You missed a trick there Mars. YOU IDIOTS.

Here's my advice chocolate fans - if you like chocolate so much, just buy some Dairy Milk.

Anyway, what happened to Mars: Double Choc? I never saw that one on the shelves. They skipped that one and went straight to Triple. Mars should bring out a full range of chocolate and non-chocolate based Mars Bars like this:

Mars: Un-Choc - naked Mars Bar. Absolutely no chocolate involved
Mars: Single Choc - original Mars
Mars: Double Choc - chocolate covering and chocolate caramel
Mars: Triple Choc - chocolate caramel, chocolate nougat and chocolate covering
Mars: Quad-Choc - as Triple Choc, but with chocolate sprinkles on top
Mars: Mega-Choc - as Quad Choc, but with with two 99s stuck in it
Mars: Mega-Choc Extreme - solid chocolate Mars Bar
Mars: Ltd Edition Mental Mega-Choc Extreme Extra - as above but the wrapper is also made of chocolate and comes with a free chocolate button

I look forward to those.

Mars: Triple Choc (Limited Edition), 70p
Gobble Monkey says: 3 out of 7


  1. An increase in calories of 11.9% accompanying a decrease in deliciousness of a similar order is a bad move.

  2. Funny review! It does sound rather disappointing and even gross.

  3. It's not too gross, it's just not as good as a normal Mars. Unless you LOVE cheap chocolate-flavoured things of course. Also - it is slightly SMALLER than a normal Mars!

  4. Ive got one of these to review in the cupboard..will have to get it out soon!

  5. I had one of these a few days ago.. If I hadn't known, I don't think I would have even realised it any different to a normal Mars..
    Can't wait to see the Mars: Ltd Edition Mental Mega-Choc Extreme Extra. They better be paying you for the idea!!

  6. Tastes exactly the same as a normal Mars bar to me- overpoweringly sweet.

  7. I thought it was just exactly like original Mars bars, albeit even more sickly. Its just too sweet to even be able to taste the low quality chocolate. A brand in decline.

  8. haha! those ideas were hilarious. maestro,maestro