Anyway, there's only one thing tastier than a Wispa, right? YES - 9% of a Wispa.
And a "Bitsa Wispa" is 2.1cm by 1.4cm:
No more trying to eat that unmanageable 12.2cm monolith, now you can enjoy the great air-added taste of Wispa, ONLY SMALLER.
I ain't no professor, but everyone knows 9% of something is 145% tastier than the whole.
THAT'S SIMPLE MATH.
It just took some genius at Cadbury's to apply the equation to chocolate. I'd like to see all chocolate companies just chop up an existing product into 9% size chunks, give it an hilarious name and re-sell it to the public at inflated prices. That's my dream.
Amazingly, Cadbury have actually run a competition (you can read about it here) to be the FIRST PERSON TO EVER EAT A BITSA WISPA.
NEWSFLASH CADBURYS - I ate a 'bitsa wispa' 17 years ago when I just took a bite out of an existing Wispa.
Cancel the competition.
Anyway, it stands to reason, the SMALLER bits you chop your product into, the NICER it will taste. No new ideas, no new ingredients - all you need is a catchy name. With that in mind, here's some free ideas for confectionery giants:
Tiny Twix - a perfectly replicated Twix - shrunk to 0.02% of it's size in a handy sized snack pack.
Yorkie Crumbs - just crumbs of a Yorkie bar in a handy sized snack pack.
Aero Air - this is just the chocolately smelling air from the bubbles of an Aero - trapped in a handy sized snack pack.
It seems the recession has forced Cadbury's to invent new ways to rip off their customers:
1) make everything smaller, 2) insert extra air into everything.
Check out their new "Dairy Milk Bubbly" - "Milk chocolate with an aerated milk chocolate filling"
Ooh a bubble. Bubbles are so delicious, tasting of NOTHNG as they do.
Listen, Cadbury: STOP ADDING AIR TO THINGS.
NEWSFLASH: Air is free. I don't need to be charged extra for air. Air doesn't make things taste better. (It does make things look bigger though, doesn't it Cadburys?)
Imagine going to the shops for a potato and having Sainsburys charge you an extra 20p to buy one of their new aerated potatoes with added holes. Or a sausage with a big gap in it. What about a new book - with page 147 left completely blank?
And yet Aeros, Wispas, Bubblies and the rest are held up like ground breaking scientific breakthroughs from the future, revolutionising the humble cocoa bean. Listen, the coca bean was around 2000 years before some *$%* came along and started "aerating" it. So just leave it alone.
(And don't even get me started on Curly Wurlys.)
Bitsa Wispa, approx £1
Gobble Monkey says: 0 of out 7
Cadbury's Bubbly, approx £1.90
Gobble Monkey says: 1 out of 7 (Milk). 2 out of 7 (White)