What have they done to you now?
The shame - forced to wear what can only be described as a multi-coloured thong made of hundreds and thousands. Look at him, waving coquettishly like he's debuting his new Spring collection of swim wear. My poor poor Percy.
This giant chocolate version of the M&S mascot, clearly aimed at the Easter market, must have been created to feed that small sub section of egg-hating Christians who want to enjoy Easter without being forced to eat an egg.
Personally I think that a giant pig in sprinkly pants is what God had in mind when he invented Easter.
In 1996 I re-named Easter "Egg Day" to annoy Christians - but I can see that soon all remnants of any religious or pagan concepts associated with Easter will be long forgotten and it will be known simply as "Random objects made of chocolate day". And I'm totally in support of that. Eggs have had the monopoly on Easter for too long.
Curiously this product is just labelled "Percy Pig" - as if it is the definitive Percy Pig product. Then right next to that: "Percy Pig flavour".
Is "Percy Pig" an official flavour now? Like cheese or banana or blue raspberry? You can't just go around making up new flavours M&S. That is illegal. The back of the packet describes it more accurately:
"Hollow white chocolate pig with dried raspberry and strawberry concentrates and decorated with sprinkles (2%)"
(In fact, I bet that is Marks and Spencer's evil plan - to elimiate eggs and rename Easter as 'Hollow White Chocolate Pig with Dried Raspberry and Strawberry Concentrates and decorated with Sprinkles (2%) Day' and force everyone to swap their hollow pigs and roll hollow pigs down hills instead.)
It tastes OK - very sweet and fruity. I'd wager it would be impossible to eat a whole one without being violently sick. Especially when the moment comes where you realise you are nibbling off Percy's edible thong.
But the final indignity comes when you turn Percy over to discover this:
Percy's bare bottom. HAPPY EASTER INDEED.
"Percy Pig", Marks and Spencer, £6
Gobble Monkey says: 4 out of 7
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